Monthly Archives: January 2008

Chapter 1: Ms. Crazy (an epic tale)

I am hesitant to write this post because I know that, in writing, I will never do this story justice. This story needs video and sound, especially. I have debated bringing a tape recorder to work, but I know that the privacy issues there are insurmountable. So this is just the shell of a story really.

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My most favorite patient is a man named “Unknown White Male” (UWM). Recently, he has become a daily (and sometimes twice – daily) visitor to my ER. Occasionally, his bed label says, “Unknown White Male,” and other times, he is lucid enough to tell us his actual name. We’ll call him Mr. Macenroe. Mr. Macenroe has been my actual patient four times, though I see him daily.

Encounter # 1: The story actually starts on the street. As I emerged from the subway, four blocks from work, I spotted a homeless man standing on the corner. His pants were pulled down to just below his genitals and his penis was swinging in the wind and dripping urine in a puddle at his feet. He had a thick, discolored beard and was spitting and screaming incoherently like a caged beast. Pedestrians were giving him a very wide berth. I thought to myself – Hm. This man will probably be my patient later.

About five hours later, I got report from the triage nurse that I have a filthy ETOH (drunk) in Isolation Room 14, waiting for me. “Oh, and just a warning, he is a spitter.” Thanks triage nurse.

Remember, we put actual Isolation patients these rooms [TB, Meningitis, bed bugs], but we also keep VERY stinky patients or VERY psychotic patients in there. Sometimes, on a really bad, busy day, we will put 2-3 of our regular drunks in one isolation room, close the door, and hope that, in 12 hours, they will have all disappeared [ie. stumbled out without being seen].

I peeked in the room and saw him [of course!] naked from the waste down, tied to the bed from each wrist, mouth covered by a surgical mask. His substantial yellowish-brown beard spilled out from the sides of his mask and his crazy eyes darted around the room (for more on crazy eyes, try this ). He was still screaming incoherently.

So basically, I was in for a really great morning. Through the window, from 4 feet away, you could see that his scrotum was HUGE. Probably 4 times the size of a normal sac. I chose to ignore him for the time being, deal with my other patients, and then devise a plan of attack for treating this guy. Among my list of orders written by the doctor: rectal temperature and IV. Thank you doctor.

The time finally came that I needed to face Mr. Unknown White Male and his various problems: psychosis and superhuman scrotum. I gathered my IV stuff, the rectal thermometer and a box of gloves. I very nicely asked the doctor to come in the room with me and help me out since he was the one who wanted this rectal temp so much. I grabbed a hospital police officer and another nurse, just for good measure. From the looks of it, the restraints were loosening and I did not want to end up like my colleague who lost her front teeth recently at the hands of a drunk patient.

We opened the door and, totally needless to say, the smell was retched. Unknown White Male stared us down as we approached, grunting and screaming while his scrotum bulged. The doctor, amusingly, tried to interview Unknown White Male about his past medical history:

MD: Sir, do you have any medical problems?
UWM: (roaring) MY PUSSY MOUNT SINAI MEDICAL CENTER FAGGOTS TRYING TO STEAL MY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU TAKE OFF THIS MASK SO MY PUSSY BREATHS FUCKING FAGGOTS (pausing to take a breath) IM A DOCTOR!!!! A DOCTOR FROM MOUNT SINAI BUT MY PUSSY FAGGOTS!!!!!!!!!

sack-time.gifAmazingly, we were able to put in an IV with the doctor restraining one arm, hospital police splayed across his legs, and myself and another nurse wrestling with his other arm. I moved around to his feet with the thermometer and in one swift movement, lifted his 37 pound sac in my left hand and stuck the probe in with my right.

FUCKING FAGGOTS GRABBED MY SCROTUM GRABBED MY SCROTUM LET GO OF MY SCROTUM YOU FAGGOT THOSE ARE MY BALLS MY BALLS!!!!!! PROBING MY ASS THESE FAGGOTS! ALWAYS PROBING MY ASS!!!!!!!!!

[Note: If anything, I am underplaying his colorful language and the CAPS just don't do his screaming/spitting justice]

For a brief moment I thought to myself, “I really don’t want to be doing this. I dont want to hold his man’s testicles and I don’t want to be near his anus and I’m not sure how I got to this point in my life where this is actually MY JOB. This is what I get paid for? I have chosen to do this?” The thermometer beeped. No fever. Of course. I threw a sheet over him, which he, of course, ripped off.

We left the room, exhausted and covered in spittle……

Cringe moments

First of all, this is such a genius idea:

Cringe Readings

So, I had my own cringe moment the other day at work and I have been trying to hide under a desk ever since.

I had a patient who was horrible and psychotic . . . so basically that’s the start to all my stories. In any event, this particular patient had a panic value on her chart, meaning one of her lab values was dangerously high or low. I was SO busy that night [no "lunch" break until 4AM] and the patient was not in ANY acute distress, so I was not particularly worried.

I glanced at her lab values and saw that, in her CBC (complete blood count), SOMETHING was only 18. I didn’t recognize the lab value immediately and noted that her H&H (hemaglobin and hematocrit) were OK. Good, no blood transfusions tonight; at that point, that was all I cared about. So I pushed the panic value to the back of my mind and continued on with my 56,000 other tasks. Eventually, I meandered over to the attending physician to let him know.

Just a side note: The physicians can see the panic values as well, so it was not as if this woman’s life was in my hands until I let him know. Really, he should have known already from the blinking red microscope symbol next to her name.

So I say, Hey Dr. Flong [not his real name], Patient psychotic with a headache has a panic value – can she be seen soon? [she had not yet been seen 6 hours after arrival]

Dr. Flong: What’s the panic value?
Me: Ummmm (shit, shit). Something obscure or something. I don’t know – I didn’t recognize it. Plt or something? Whatever it is, it’s 18.
Dr. Flong [to the resident standing next to him, both of them trying to act like I don't exist]: Oh, her platelets are 18. Maybe you can see her next?
Me: Ok, great, I have the IQ of a ferret. I’m going to go gouge my eyes out. Thanks.

I mean, come on! PLT!!! PLATELETS!! That would be like a stockbroker saying to his boss: “Hey, so I saw this thing on the news this morning; something about a DOW? It’s low or something. I mean, whatever it is, it must be obscure because I haven’t even heard of it.”

I have been cringing every 40 minutes since this episode.

A note on cringing: When I do or say something stupid [usually at work], I feel the aftershocks for at least 3-7 days afterwards. Thinking about it feels like a bolt of lighting and, frequently, I will visibly shiver, twitch, or do a Tourrette’s-like yelp until the cringe-feeling passes. Anyone else? Is this just part of my generalized anxiety problem which I refuse to address or do normal people do this too?

HIPAA

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For most nurses, HIPAA is synonymous with patient privacy. On day 1 of nursing school, we learn not to share identifying information (name, age, address, social security, etc), not to talk about our patients in the hospital elevator (there are a number of reasons not to do that), and not to leave a patient’s chart lying on the counter. So when I started writing about the hospital – and especially about patients – I needed to figure out the rules.

What is HIPPA?

The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) is not just a “patient privacy act.” Remember, the “P” stand for ‘Portability’ and not ‘Privacy.’ HIPAA, signed into law in 1996, deals with two primary issues: Access, Portability, and Renewability (Title I) and Administrative Simplification (Title II). Under the umbrella term of Administrative Simplification, you can find the Privacy Act that tells you all you need to know about protecting your patients identity.

Are you sure “P” doesn’t stand for Privacy?

In oversimplified terms: Portability aims to ensure that individuals can move between health care plans (for example, if they change employers) without losing all of their current benefits. Meyer and Stepnick (2002) explain that, “At a bare minimum, portability means having an option to keep some level of coverage at some price when leaving an employer-sponsored plan.” Apparently, before HIPAA, if you switched insurance plans, your new company could royally screw you over on your benefits.

So why can’t I talk about my patients in the elevator again?

elevator rules

The obvious reason? It’s awkward to talk in a crowded elevator. Another great reason not to? Your patient’s son may be standing right there as you exclaim, “Oh, my God, my patient today, Mrs. X – remember her? That 86 year old woman? No? The one whose social security number is 123-45-6789? Right, THAT Mrs. X. Did you see her wound? Totally infected. And the smell! I almost passed out . . .”

I’ve witnessed a few elevator conversations that would make you cringe.

How about a great legal reason too? The Administrative Simplification provisions of HIPAA (Title II) require the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) to establish national standards for electronic health care transactions. The obvious follow-up issue here: “If everything is electronic, streamlined and easy-to-access, then how do we keep patient information private?

The Privacy Rule, enacted in 2002, is what makes HIPAA famous; especially for nursing students. Read a summary of the Privacy Rule published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services here.

The Privacy Rule prohibits the sharing/disclosure of 18 patient identifiers covered under the category of Protected Health Information (PHI). Taken from the UCSF Human Research Protection Program: “PHI is any information in the medical record or designated record set that can be used to identify an individual and that was created, used, or disclosed in the course of providing a health care service such as diagnosis or treatment.

These 18 identifiers are:

    1. Names

    2. All Geographic subdivisions smaller than a State

    3. All elements of dates (except year) for dates directly related to an individual, including birth date, admission date, discharge date, date of death; and all ages over 89 and all elements of dates (including year) indicative of such age, except that such ages and elements may be aggregated into a single category of age 90+

    4 – 16. Telephone numbers, Fax numbers, Electronic mail addresses, Social security, Medical record numbers, Health beneficiary numbers, Account numbers, Certificate/license numbers, Vehicle identifiers, Device identifiers, URL’s, IP addresses, Finger and voice prints (biometric identifiers)

    17. Full face photographs and any comparable images

    18. Any other unique identifying number, characteristic or code

How do you blog while still complying with HIPAA regulations?

The U.S. DHHS Summary of the Privacy Law states:

De-Identified Health Information. There are no restrictions on the use or
disclosure of de-identified health information. De-identified health information
neither identifies nor provides a reasonable basis to identify an individual. There are
two ways to de-identify information; either:
1) a formal determination by a qualified statistician; or
2) the removal of specified identifiers of the individual and of the individual’s relatives, household members, and employers is required, and is adequate only if the covered entity [the nurse or doctor, in this case] has no actual knowledge that the remaining information could be used to identify the individual

There is no published law or set of guidelines [yet] that specifically addresses medical/nursing blogs. There are a lot of them too, so I think that official statutes are not far behind. Some blogs are more compliant than others.

My very own Disclaimer

Doubtful that anyone has read this far, BUT, I would like to officially say:

  1. The contents of my stories are a hazy mix of fact and fiction.
  2. All information about actual or fictitious patients has been de-identified, to the best of my ability.
  3. All of the opinions expressed here are solely my own and do not represent . . . well . . . anyone else or any of their opinions.

Consider yourself HIPAA-warned.