Unbelievable Day 1

I got up today at 5:45 AM. I ate a bowl of cardboard-like adult cereal. I drank 14 ounces of coffee (my usual daily intake is around 24-30 ounces). I drank 12 ounces of water. I urinated.

My next meal was a banana at 8:00 PM, along with my next sip of water (which felt SO amazing). I also peed next at 8:00 PM, dark, buuuurning urine. I have not yet pooped today (NOT OK with me – pooping is a very important part of my day). This is NOT a healthy job.
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I got to work at 6:45, just to start a little early on my first day as a real RN, my first day off of orientation. I took report at 7:00 AM and received 6 patients. I was handed a bag of packed red blood cells, told to give a blood transfusion (my first) and left on my own.

I didn’t even assess my first 6 patients until 7:45, when I was finally done setting up my transfusion and stressing out that she was going to develop anaphylaxis (which she never did). By the time I assessed my next 3 patients, I had two new patients. By the time I assessed my next 2 patients, I had three more patients. By 3 o’clock, I was dropping the occasional tear as I sprinted through the ER and suppressing the urge to run the fuck out and NEVER come back.

Eventually, I had 11 patients and stayed steady at 11 until 7:00PM, when I gave report to the night nurse. I know, boo hoo, 11 patients. Poor Georgia. But on your FIRST day, WITH 2 blood transfusions, that is too many.

Not to mention, we had 12 – yes 12 – corrections officers (CO) sitting in the A area – DIRECTLY in front of the supply cabinet. Each officer comes with a bullet-proof vest – which increases their diameter by half – a newspaper, a coffee, chinese food, and the LOUDEST voices you could imagine. The CO’s instigate fights between the patients (resulting in a FULL, projectile urinal from one Riker’s patient into another Riker’s bed), and sneer when you ask them to PLEASE move so I can do my job.

I had some scary moments today where I felt loathing and bitterness and wanted to scream, “WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE ALL THESE CO’s IN MY WORKPLACE!!!!!” Why is my workplace total chaos? Why do I have 11 patients? Why won’t the doctors see my patient after 6 hours? Why can’t I go get something to eat? Why is that nurse laughing at me and thinking it is funny that I’m crying and flustered (Fuck that nurse, P.S. for kicking me when I was down.) Why can’t I get this IV? Why is my first day so hard?

Then again, I had some other, less scary moments. Like when three different nurses dropped what they were doing to help me out (and NOT laugh at me). Or when another nurse told me that I will be a great nurse and assured me that everyone gets flustered with 11 patients (I don’t even care that that is probably a lie). And when my TOTALLY psychotic patient announced to the clerk that I was a very beautiful, sweet girl. Or when two of my patients told me I had “gentle hands.”

Or when, at 7PM, I finished my shift and visited a patient I had transferred earlier to another department, and we held hands and talked for 15 minutes and I felt really, really good about my job. She felt good that I visited her and I felt even better because, for the first time that day, I got to do what I really like, which is hold hands and chat.

So today? I came home and I felt 80% accomplished and 20% defeated and I think that is an OK ratio.