Recipes!

Here is a good recipe for imagining my place of work:

Step 1: Climb out onto the nearest crowded subway platform in New York City (preferably in one of the outer boroughs.)
Step 2: Grab everyone on the platform and bring them to my hospital.
Step 3: Give each individual an official employee ID tag – Randomly assign jobs: doctors, nurses, housekeeping, central sterile supply, clerks, BioMed, Respiratory therapists, HIV counselors, physician’s assistants, lab technicians, blood bank technicians, hospital police, and EMT’s.
Step 4: For extra flavor, head up to Riker’s Island prison and get about 15 prisoners. Make sure to grab 2 corrections officers PER prisoner
Step 5: Stick them in the ED as well.
Step 6: Don’t forget this very important step! Go grab a few of the absolute most psychotic homeless people you can and throw them in for fun.
Step 7: Finally, find another subway platform and gather at least 200 people.
Step 8: Place them in hospital gowns. The percentage of actually-sick people you grab will probably be similar to the percentage of actually-sick people in our ED (read: a very small % of our patients qualify as truly needing “emergency” care)
Step 9: Before proceeding with your batter, Make sure to break at least 1/4 of all the equipment in the ER. It is particularly important to break a large number of stretchers so that the mattresses no longer sticks to the bed frame. In this manner, the majority of your patients can gradually slide off the end of their bed during your shift.
Step 10: Scatter overflowing urinals throughout the environment.
Step 11: Now stir vigorously.