Monthly Archives: November 2004

At work today, I had one of the smaller chairs pulled up about six inches from the edge of the pool and there were a fair amount of kids swimming.

Imagine me sitting about as far from the pool as this lifeguard (apparently who works at Mouse Planet), but remember, it is an indoor pool. Notice there is VERY LITTLE room between the lifeguard and the pool. This is crucial to the story.

Two women approached me. One had a thick russian accent and was wearing a leopard print, shaping, bathing suit. At least i imagine that the suit was advertised as “shaping” because it was VERY firmly molded to her body (I think it had tummy control technology) and I could tell that the material was very binding. The best part of her suit was how it came to a straight line about three inches above her nipples and, there, it held her breasts so firmly that I couldn’t help but think about a boot camp entirely run by this bathing suit just for saggy breasts (breasts like mine). The bathing suit would walk around whipping saggy breasts until they learned to look like they were in push-up bras.

Anyway, her breasts were standing so tall and close to her neck and rippled and jiggled just along the top of the suit as she spoke.

Her friend was Indian and wearing a thirty or forty year-old bathing suit – i couldn’t fathom how she did not mind wearing something totally transparent and so dangly. Her bathing suit was dangling down to her knees in some parts – it was like she had just VERY loosely wrapped one sheet of blue tinted saran wrap around her body. Neither woman really spoke much English.

So the whole point of the story is very short.

They came up to me, inquiring which part of the pool was not being used for lessons. I showed them where they could swim and, instead of walking behind my chair (where there was about three feet of room), they chose to walk in front of my chair – in between me and the pool. (Scroll up to the picture to refresh your visual image of this scene). There was so little room and it was a situation where they had to turn sideways to even shuffle past me to avoid falling in the pool. The russian woman rubbed my knees as she passed by and almost had to grab on to me to avoid falling in.

I checked later to see if something was blocking the enormous walking space behind my chair, but it was clear.

As she passed in front of me, I said, “I’m sorry, but could you please just walk behind my chair? I have to be able to see the pool.” As I finished saying this, she had finally shuffled her way to the other side of my chair. Upon hearing my comment, she nodded yes and immediately got directly BACK in front of me – this time with her back to me. She stood there, facing the pool, centimeters from me – and just stood there. I started grunting and she moved – looking VERY confused. I’m sure it was a language barrier thing – her accent was very thick and she had earlier asked, “When we swim good free space???”

What I can’t figure out is what she thought I had said. Murmuring softly: “Excuse me, please stand directly in front of me and lean your body VERY close to mine. That’s it, gooooood. Closer. Closer. Perfect. I can no longer see anyone. Gooood.”

It’s been hitting me lately, at random moments, that I’m very stressed out about having graduated college.

Were I doing something really neat right now (moving somewhere new, living in a foreign country, contributing positively to the world at all), I might not feel so desperate about college being over – unfortunately, I am doing nothing with my life, so I just keep thinking about my four years of college and wondering if they were wasted (just like I’m pretty much wasting this year).

Got to clean the room.

Friday, I got fired from my waitressing job. My bosses excuse was that I dont know the menu well enough. This is totally irrational since I can recite it in my sleep. On Friday, during lunch, he heard me ask the cook, “What kind of cheese is on the capicola grinder?” and he freaked out (my boss did, not the cook). He got in my face and goes, “What kind of cheeses do we serve in this restaurant!?” He was sputtering and turning red and was about to explode. I said that we had provolone and he totally lost his mind screaming that we have mozzerella for the pizza, blue cheese for the salads, etc. Obviously, since I had just gotten in trouble for not knowing what was on a GRINDER, I figured he was implying that he wanted me to say what sort of cheese was on the grinders. I clearly know that we have mozerella and blue cheese . . .

Regardless, he was inconsolably furious and, later that night, fired me. This was after weeks of little things that had been building between us that had made it clear to both of us that we are from totally different planets. For example, upon hearing that I cannot cook and only just learned how to steam vegetables, he snorted and murmured something to the effect of, “You’re a waste of a female.” I replied with a non-directed “Is he a chauvanist asshole or is it just me?” – which I’m not sure he heard.

Anyway, it SUCKS because the money was so great, but, at least I dont have to work for the world’s hugest puckered asshole anymore. Aside from that – which was a big deal – things have been allright. John and I are very nice and my other job is tolerable. I got my Yale application into the mail (futile, though I know it is), I am doing decent work in Chem and Bio.

In terms of my list of things to make me a better person: I have been flossing with a little more regularity – once or twice a week. I have NOT been working out with any regularity, though I am going today and just maybe that will be the start of a new trend.

Speaking of trends, I was thinking that maybe this whole firing thing could be an excuse to make a new, more concerted effort at being a better person. Perhaps, just perhaps, being fired will motivate me to fix hideous personal flaws in an effort to reassert any shred of self-confidence I may have left.